Stepping Out: 

  a student's guide to education beyond the classroom

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Info for Parents
 
"…as someone once reminded me, and as I now remind each incoming class at Princeton, 'the person each of you will spend most of the rest of your life with is yourself, and therefore you owe it to yourself to use your college years to become as interesting a companion as possible.' But I am also convinced that one's college education is greatly enhanced by the more maturity, experience, and perspective a student can bring to it. Alas, it strikes me that these three traits are the very ones that are most difficult for most young people to come by given the lock-step nature that currently characterizes such a large part of the school-to-college process…Indeed, of all the enthusiastic letters I send to students in one year, none are more enthusiastic than those I send in response to students requesting to defer their entrance to college."
           - Fred A. Hargadon (former Dean of Admissions, Princeton University)

I decided to include a page for parents because I am sure many of you are involved in the process of your child stepping out.  I encourage you to look throughout this website; while it is aimed at students, a lot of the information will probably be useful to you as well.    Also consider checking out the book The Gap-Year Advantage: Helping Your Child Benefit From Time Off Before Or During College, written by Karl Haigler and Rae Nelson, for a parent's perspective.

Kate and mom

In the meantime, I asked my mom, Mary Koehler, for some tips she could share with other parents:
  • Remember this is a great opportunity for you and your child, as he or she explore taking time off. There is plenty of time to consider it, look for information and people to assist, and take it step by step.  Stay calm and relaxed if your child wants to take time off. If a child comes to you and is uncertain about going to school or wants to take time off, support him or her in exploring options. Don’t react….just listen. There is plenty of time to consider things. 
  • Let your son or daughter come up with the plan and the details.  This will help him or her get ready for the trip and see what is possible.
  • Stay open to their ideas….remember it is their road, not our road. We want our children to be themselves, enjoy what they are doing and who they are. It is good that they want to venture out.
  • Make a list of your concerns, but don’t share all your concerns right away. Give yourself time to consider the idea/ideas as it/they come. It is fine to voice concerns, but do it gently, from a calm, relaxed place.
  • Find a friend, partner or family member to vent your own fears to so that you can stay open and relaxed with your child.
  • Make a list of what would make you feel good about their time off (how often and how to contact each other, what to do in emergencies, details of banking and mail.)
  • Why say yes to this?
    You get to learn how to better support your child as an adult or soon to be adult.
    You have the opportunity to deepen your relationship with your child as they go out into the world.
    You may have the opportunity to learn about the world together.
"The push in the US is to go to college or to get a job.  Somehow taking time out of that process is seen as a choice against college.  Every single student I've ever worked with has gone on to higher education.  Whether they originally planned to or not."
-Gail Reardon, Founder of Taking Off

Testimonials from parents whose kids have stepped out (also available on the testimonials page):

Jean Malarkey: Jean is Irene's mom.  Her son has also taken time off of school  Read this testimonial to hear her thoughts (from a parent's perspective) on stepping out.

Mary Koehler: This is a testimonial from my mom, who supported me in both my time off and in school.  She is one of the wisest people I know.